A Geek Girl's Survival Guide #4

What to Get for the Nerd who has everthing.

Lying is fun, but not as much fun as revealing the truth. Especially while Christmas shopping.

To get into the holiday spirit, I decided to go on a shopping excursion, once again braving the dreaded game store to do a little market research.

I set out to answer two questions: What does a girl get for her geek boyfriend, if said girl knows absolutely nothing about nerdish things? What’s more, what’s it like to be said girl, wandering into a game store with no idea what a game system is, let alone which one her boyfriend plays?

In order to answer these questions, it was clear I’d have to go undercover. I figured I could play the part of a non-geek shopping for my (imaginary) geeky boyfriend, Kevin. It would be an interesting social experiment, at the least.

To some critics it may seem that I invented these “market research” questions as an excuse to justify my random and useless behavior. To these critics I say, thanks for noticing. Random and useless are my specialties.

I headed first for Games People Play, since it was within walking distance and had the two things I was looking for--rpgs and people who sell them.

I thought I’d overcome my fear of game stores--see last month’s column on facing said fear--but as fears often do, mine resurfaced at the inopportune moment.

I reached the back of the store, and as usual, couldn’t bring myself to walk back into the gaming section.

I did the only thing a self-respecting geek girl would do. I dug out my cell phone and called my friend Chimera.

A few hours later, Chimera in tow, I faced the store again, but we still couldn’t bring ourselves to head back to the gaming section, let alone approach someone back there. They might bite. Or laugh. Or threaten us with gauntlets of rust.

I guess we must have failed our will saves. We ran.

As we took shelter in Express, surrounded by trendy clothes, we regrouped and came up with a plan.

Back over to Games we went, finding the first available salesman in the front of the store, where the games are nice, and safe, and covered in fluffy bunnies.

Well, two out of three isn’t bad, anyway.

“Do you sell role playing stuff?” I asked. As if I hadn’t been cowering steps away from the section not five minutes before.

“Yes,” he said.

“Is there someone who can give me a recommendation?”

The associate stared at me blankly. “Um, I think Ryan might.” Off he went, returning with his co-worker Ryan, who was actually really cute.

I thought, I’m going to tell this guy I have a boyfriend? What was I thinking?

But tell him I did.

“So, I’m Christmas shopping for my boyfriend,” I said. “He’s into, like, roleplaying…stuff.”

Insert apologetic smile here.

Ryan nodded.

“I don’t know anything about it. Do you think you could give me a recommendation of what I could get him?”

Ryan looked unsure for a moment, then motioned us toward the back of the store.

Voila. Our plan was a success. We now entered the forbidden back section with our own personal escort--someone who clearly belonged there. Awkward entrance averted.

Even so, as we walked back, the seven or so male heads in the room turned toward us. (You know the expression, bull in a china shop? I’m thinking of substituting girl in a game shop. We probably get stranger looks.)

Ryan took us to the bookrack, and asked me some questions about what my boyfriend liked to play.

I looked at him blankly. “Umm, dungeons and dragons? I think?”

He smiled. “Yeah, we pretty much only carry D&D.”

I shrugged. “He probably already has the basics. I’m just going to make a list today, then have his roommates check out what he has.”

Mollified, Ryan turned back to the bookshelf.

In all we were recommended Monster Manuals II and III, Eberron, Races of Stone, and Song and Silence. I did my best to look clueless at all the terminology--it was harder than I thought not to look like I understood terms like “class” and “campaign.” Ryan didn’t seem to catch on, though.

Chimera did a much better job than I of looking clueless. “So, is it all these book things?” she asked. “Is there anything else you can get?”

Ryan looked as if he wanted to laugh at her, but to his credit, he kept it in.

“Well,” he said, “We have minatures too, if you’re interested in those.”

“Oh yeah,” Chimera said, elbowing me. “The little men. Doesn’t he play with those?”

We hadn’t intended to continue our adventure past one store, but when we escaped from Games People Play (after leaving the timewaster’s URL and my column name with the surprised Ryan), we decided that pretending to be clueless was too much fun. We had to find some more action.

Jason at Game Den gave us a few more recommendations, and seemed less surprised with our ineptitude. He asked us first if my boyfriend was the game master.

I stared blankly.

“Um,” he said, “is he the guy in charge, or is he just a player?”

Kevin is, apparently, just a player. Which explains why I don’t see much of him at all.

Being non-existant probably doesn’t help either.

For “the guy in charge,” apparently Underdark is a good buy. If you’re “just a player,” Complete Warrior, Complete Arcane, and Weapons of Legacy are good choices. Of course, to know which one the elusive Kevin would want, I’d have to know what kind of character he was playing. Apparently next time I should pay more attention to my imaginary boyfriend’s interests before I start shopping for him. Oh well.

Chimera piped up with her favorite comment: “Is it just books? Do you need anything else?”

Besides the obvious suggestion of dice, we were asked if we wanted to look at the “figs.”

I didn’t realize that game stores had started selling fruit. Talk about cross-marketing.

Following yet another pair of blank stares, Jason clarified that he meant “figurines,” to which Chimera responded, “Oh, you mean the little men!”

Mostly I think she just likes the term, “little men.” And who can blame her.

We brought our under-cover mission to a close with the game store with the best selection--Dragon’s Keep. We walked in just as they were closing, which gave us the added bonus of being the only customers in the store. There were also six or seven gamers at the back, who Chimera eyed warily as I assaulted the man behind the register--Peter.

I gave the pitch, and Peter asked, “What’s your boyfriend’s name?”

“Uh, Kevin,” I said. Good thing I’d already decided.

He considered that for a second. “Does he shop here?”

Crap. Let’s hope not. “No,” I said. “I don’t think so.”

“What system does he play?”

Blank look.

“I can’t help you,” he said. “You’d have to at least know what he plays.”

I couldn’t let him off the hook that easily.

“Um, is Dungeons and Dragons a system?” I would have liked to get more general recommendations, since Dragon’s Keep carries other systems, but couldn’t think of a reasonable way to ask about them without blowing my cover. At least not under the pressure of the moment.

Peter laughed, then nodded and took us to the bookshelves.

He also recommended Monster Manuals II and III, and the Dungeon Master’s Guide II. He also (on Chimera’s prompting, of course) showed us their selection of minis, all unpainted.

“So, you like, paint them?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “See that paint down there?” He pointed to the bottom shelf. “They climb out of their packages at night and they paint themselves.”

How could he make fun of me, the poor, innocent girl who’s just trying to do something nice for her boyfriend by supporting his geekiness? Had I done anything to warrant such mockery?

Okay, so maybe we deserved it. But only a little.

It’s okay, I got my revenge.

“Have you heard of Timewastersguide.com?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“It’s a game review site. I write a column for them.

“Because I role play.”

“Right,” he said, then snapped his head to look at me and yelled, “You role play!”

I smiled and nodded, flipping a page in my notebook to write down the URL for him.

“Does your boyfriend?” One of his friends asked.

I smiled bigger. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Peter held his head in his hands. “You don’t have a boyfriend! I feel so used!”

His friend added: “You don’t have a boyfriend, and you dared to come in here?”

It turned out to be quite daring. I came in to act clueless, and left the store having met several people (including a dyed in the wool game store going geek girl, good for her!) at the back of the store. I also secured an invitation to their role playing game on Saturday nights.

I intend to go in January, as long as I can convince myself that it’s okay to be a girl who hangs out at a game shop.

Maybe I still have some closet to emerge from, after all.

Discuss it in our forums.

Written by MsFish on December 21st, 2005