A Geek Girl's Survival Guide #3

A Geek Girl's Guide to In-Game Flirting

I like D&D, but I have to admit, in the middle of battles, stat arguments, and long stretches of traveling, I tend to get bored. It doesn’t matter how good your DM is or how interesting the plotline, there are bound to be moments in a six-hour session when you’re not particularly grabbed by the action, and get just a little restless. This bothered me a little, until I discovered the fine art of in-game flirting.

One night during my very first campaign, I was feeling particularly random. The mission that evening centered around an NPC, Bart, who was about twice my character’s age. In a moment of boredom, I decided that my character was attracted to him.

My DM looked at me and uttered the phrase that I have heard nearly every session since: Are you serious?

You’d think they’d learn that yes, I am in fact serious. Who would joke about a matter like that?

Not I.

I then proceeded to drag the NPC along until the campaign ended (picking up my signature phrase, “Can Bart come?”) and whenever my character wasn’t otherwise occupied she’d go make out with Bart. This caused me no end of amusement and some of my campaign-members no end of embarrassment, so I got the best of both worlds.

A few campaigns later I progressed to flirting with one of the player characters, who was played by my friend Ryan--then the only single guy in our group. Ryan and I were purely friends, which made his reaction all the more amusing.

For the first few sessions, Ryan just thought that my character was being particularly nice to his character. This probably seemed like a nice change, since our characters in our previous campaign fought like Elves and Dwarves.

Then my character started batting her eyelashes at him. The look on his face was priceless--somewhere between “Who, me?” and “What the--?!” The payoff was totally worth the multiple sessions of obliviousness. His weirded-out reaction filtered down to his character, so the two never did hook up, but the attempt kept me amused for the better part of two months.

Sadly, Ryan is now engaged. My GM advised me to tone it down, so I’m out of a flirting target, which is a shame. Um, I mean, I’m very happy for him. Yes I am.

My latest character hasn’t acquired a boy-toy yet, but I’ve been begging my DM to bring in a lich for her to hit on. I’d like to take a crack at dating the undead. After all, you only live once.

So, geek girls, here’s a few things I’ve learned about flirting from D&D. May it serve you well in your attempts to finagle, embarrass, and most importantly, stay amused.

• As in life, make sure you have at least a passable charisma, so you don’t fall on your face. I hear that’s generally unattractive, and while you can avoid in-game humiliation by flirting when the other characters aren’t around, the players will almost certainly be there to laugh. And mock. And otherwise torture and torment.
• Use common sense. I once played a Druid who tried to flirt while she was wild-shaped as an Ettin (in the middle of a battle, I might add). Next time you think this is a good idea, take a look at the picture of the Ettin in the monster manual. Would you want an ogre like that hitting on you? This little endeavor ended in the entire party making a will save and nearly losing their lunch. Needless to say, they weren’t exactly thrilled with me.
• Never underestimate the power of feminine wiles combined with failed sense motive checks. It may be anti-feminist, but flirting is a good way to get anything from vital information to a free drink. Just don’t try flirting with Orcs. That doesn’t go over so well.
• Remember that it’s not terrible (at least in my opinion) to do things in game that you’d never do in real life. After all, what’s the point of playing a fantasy game if you don’t do anything adventurous while there aren’t any consequences? (Or, real life ones at least.) One of my favorite characters was a raving slut. She took to making out with a tech at a lab that was doing illegal medical research on human subjects. It might not have been the most moral choice, but hey, he was hot.

Most of all, have fun. Flirt it up. Call it practice for real-life flirting, or if not, a really good chance to hone your skills without leading anyone on. And don’t be upset if your character ends up getting more action than you do. That’s easy to do when you’re imaginary.

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Written by MsFish on December 06th, 2005